


A Matter of Perception

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Series: Short and Sweet (Fics of About 1000 Words or Less) [18]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fantasy LSD, Gen, Hallucinations, Spoilers for Episode 39 of Campaign 2, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 15:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16432481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: Fjord’s voice is far away, unimportant as Caleb tears frantically at the bandages covering his hands, revealing what’s hiding underneath. He thinks he can hear someone crying, or maybe they’re laughing.“Caleb? Oh shit, Caleb, hey—“Fjord’s hands reach for his and Caleb jerks them away.“Okay, okay, I won’t touch you, but you have to listen to me. Caleb, whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real, okay?”





	A Matter of Perception

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place very shortly after Both Compassionate and Fatigued.

Caleb is supposed to be keeping watch with Fjord, technically, but since Caleb can’t trust what his eyes are telling him right now, it’s mostly Fjord doing the watching. Caleb can still feel the effects of the fruit in his system, the pleasant warmth in his limbs, the way his trauma feels far away in his head. It’s creeping closer to the front of his head though, what had been miles away now only feet away. He knows this reprieve can’t last forever, and if he was being honest with himself, he doesn’t want it to. His pain is what drives him, and if he ever lets it go, he won’t have the strength to do what needs to be done, when the time comes.

Caleb finds himself fidgeting with the bandages around his hands, picking at them. Normally he pets Frumpkin when the nervous energy starts prickling in his hands like pins and needles, but Frumpkin is Beau’s for the week, the tiny owl currently cuddled in Beau’s arms as she sleeps. He is an awful person, but he is not going to break his promise, is not going to summon Frumpkin to him with a finger snap, as much as he wants to.

“Caleb?” Fjord’s voice breaks into Caleb’s thoughts. “How’re you holding up? Still seeing things?”

Caleb turns to look at Fjord. Fjord’s eyes are snakelike, shining like gold in the sun. The light they cast is warm on Caleb’s face, and he basks in it for a long moment before turning his face away, staring down at his hands, still picking at the bandages. He doesn’t deserve that warm regard, but Fjord doesn’t know that.

“I think it is starting to wear off,” Caleb says quietly. There had been a certain amount of euphoria before, but now Caleb can feel the self-loathing crawling up his spine, slowly constricting around him, like vines, like snakes. Gods, he is already so tired of snakes. “Or something. I do not know how these things work.”

“It’s not going bad, is it? Molly, he…” Fjord rubs at the back of his neck. “He used to talk about stuff he tried, weird mushrooms and things. Sometimes he said everything would start out great and then go bad. Like screaming and clawing at yourself bad.”

“I do not feel like screaming.” To be honest, Caleb doesn’t even feel like talking, every word is like a stone he has to push up and out of his throat. He can feel his fingers working away at the bandages of his other hand as he looks back over his shoulder at Nott. She is sleeping peacefully, curled up near Jester, giggling ever so often at something in her dreams.

“Well that’s good,” Fjord says. “You let me know if that changes.”

Caleb nods and looks down at his hands— and just stares at them. He had unraveled more of the bandages than he had thought and now he can see—

“Caleb?”

Fjord’s voice is far away, unimportant as Caleb tears frantically at the bandages covering his hands, revealing what’s hiding underneath. He thinks he can hear someone crying, or maybe they’re laughing.

“Caleb? Oh shit, Caleb, hey—“

Fjord’s hands reach for his and Caleb jerks them away.

“Okay, okay, I won’t touch you, but you have to listen to me. Caleb, whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real, okay?”

“Fjord, please—“ Caleb realizes that the laughing/crying sound is coming from him. He can’t stop looking at his hands.

“Your hands are fine, Caleb. I don’t remember if I’ve ever seen them without the bandages before. The way you hide them I thought they might have been— I don’t know, burned maybe, or scarred. I wasn’t going to ask. But the only scar you have looks like a cat scratch maybe.”

Caleb stares at his hands, at how pale they are. The scar across the back of the hand in question is even paler, faded by time. Such a small thing. “ _Ja_. I was six years old. Frumpkin scratched me.”

“I didn’t realize you’ve had your familiar for so long.”

Caleb shakes his head, not looking up, tears sliding down his cheeks. “Not magic Frumpkin. My first cat, she was named Frumpkin too.” Caleb runs his fingers along the tiny scar. It’s been so long since he’s seen it. Years.

“Huh. I didn’t know that.” A pause. “You see what I’m saying though? Your hands are fine, Caleb, regardless of what you’re seeing right now. It’s just the fruit messing with you.”

Caleb watches as the scar on his hand splits open, the flesh underneath glowing red and yellow like coals as more cracks form, as the skin blackens and chars, flaking away in patches. He stares at the burning wreck of his hands, seeing them as he’s seen them since the night of the fire, the night he killed his parents. He had known it had been too good to last, that the fruit had to wear off sometime, but it had been nice to see his hands as they had been before, if just for a moment.

“Yes,” Caleb says softly, wiping his tears away with his wrists before he looks up at Fjord. “Of course, you are right. They look as they always do now.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on the headcanon of why Caleb bandages his hands for awhile now. It's not for protection, it's just because of what he doesn't want to see.
> 
> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if y'all want to stop by and say hi!


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